Defluxit Cicatrices
by alleluiamagiatsuioku
Summary: Kyoko raised her arm and a raindrop rolled over her wrist like blood. She mentally noted it. (KyoHomu, Platonic, Suicidal Themes)


Dedicated to StormFarron185

* * *

><p><strong>Warning<strong>: Contains suicidal themes

* * *

><p>The witch barrier faded away, Kyoko purified her soul gem.<p>

_How many died today? _Kyoko thought, but her gaze was soon brought to the sunset on the horizon.

Paint brushes of orange and violet stroked across the dark sky, the clouds were coated with the colours of the blue sky that soon faded to purple. Sparkles of light danced across the night blue waters like dancing ballerinas, twirling the way over the stage of waves in a graceful line. The sun peeked out through the clouds and shined into Kyoko's eyes, she raised a hand to block it.

Kyoko changed back into her casual wear and stuffed a piece of pocky into her mouth. Turning away from the light, her eyes adjusted to a particular spot on the grass and she aimlessly watched a beetle crawl up a blade of grass. With her eyes fixated on it, she didn't notice Kyubey jump up on to her shoulder.

"Hello."

Kyoko's gaze faltered and she closed her eyes.

"Are you going to go home?"

"I don't have a home."

"Aren't you staying with Homura Akemi for the time being?"

Kyoko remembered. She rubbed her temples in annoyance. "Oh yeah," she sighed.

Kyubey jumped to her side when Kyoko turned and started walking along the path. "Don't you like her?"

Kyoko thought about it for a moment. The two had been working together for a while now, Kyoko still didn't trust her. The girl had a mysterious and dark aura to her, like an emotionless capsule. The amount of information Homura _wouldn't _give her was just undeniably frustrating, for someone with so much of it. Kyoko knew she was hiding something. A dramatic past maybe, some secret about the witches, she didn't know. She wasn't charming, charismatic or friendly in any way, shape, or form.

"She's just… frustratingly frustrating."

"Oh?" Kyubey jumped back onto her shoulder. "In what way?"

"None of your business," Kyoko brushed him off. "Scram."

The next thing she knew, Kyubey had disappeared. Kyoko sighed and kept walking.

Kyoko tapped a finger against her jeans in a random way, a calming rhythm that pounded softly in her head after a few tries. She tried to focus on something else. Life had been tough for magical girls lately, she had just discovered about her body. She wasn't _that _bothered – just a little irritated by the whole thing. Okay, _very _irritated.

She had told Sayaka her past earlier that day, and she had just gotten angrier. That stubborn idiot ignored everything she had said, and walked off like the high and mighty bitch that she was! Well, Kyoko didn't hate Sayaka for it. It was just so –

"Frustrating," Kyoko muttered, the tapping got faster and she ran a finger over the cold texture of her soul.

Kyoko looked up to see the grey sky, she hadn't noticed the dark clouds rolling in from the opposite direction of the horizon until now, and the sunset had gone behind the clouds. Kyoko found herself fixated again, starting at the collection of different shades like she was staring at a painting. Then a raindrop fell into her eye and she snapped out of it.

Kyoko liked to think she was a patient person – willing to wait for others decide their own path, willing to wait for people to get their heads out of the gutter, willing to wait for the rain to stop. Wet bullets of depression slammed into the ground at a frightening pace and she realised that she wasn't patient. She wanted people to decide their own paths _now, _she wanted people to get their heads out of the gutter _now, _and she wanted the rain to stop _now_.

Homura, for example, she was pretty comfortable around. Seemingly patient, she would sit back and let Homura do all the planning. But she wasn't patient; in the secret hideaway in the back of her mind she desperately wanted answers. Because even though Homura was good at lying, she wasn't good at hiding; in fact she made it deadly obvious she was hiding something.

Her clothes were soaked and her red hair stuck to her back, she rolled up her sleeves to let the humidity escape and her arms became coated.

Kyoko raised her arm and a raindrop rolled over her wrist like blood. She mentally noted it.

* * *

><p>"I'm back." Kyoko muttered when she walked inside Homura's place, she unzipped her hoodie and dumped it on the floor.<p>

The living room of this place always left Kyoko freaked out. Sometimes she would watch the pendulum swinging across the room cautiously like it was going to break off and crash into the ground. Various old articles and records of witches floated around across a single wall and stretching shadows marked the floors in monochrome.

Kyoko walked past the table and she spotted something, a simple and tiny spot of red. Blood?

A door slammed and Kyoko started, turning her head to the sound. "Homura?"

Uneven steps made their way across the floor from the bathroom. Slim legs covered in black stockings walked harshly towards Kyoko, who took a step back.

"Homura?" Kyoko repeated.

The girl in front of her staggered, dark hair falling unevenly over her slumped shoulders. Her breathing was laboured and she looked up at Kyoko with darkened eyes. Kyoko stared as Homura straightened up.

"Welcome back," Homura said flatly. Kyoko immediately noticed the slight crack in her voice, like she was trying to keep it emotionless but was holding it back. Kyoko frowned and turned away.

"Whatever. What's for tea?"

"I thought you'd get some for yourself." Homura walked over to the kitchen and quickly put something in the draw while Kyoko wasn't looking.

"Do my pockets look full of cash to you?"

"You didn't steal anything?"

Kyoko paused. She didn't think of that.

Homura kept her back facing the redhead. "How uncharacteristic of you," she added quietly.

Kyoko walked over to the kitchen and took a place at the table, she grinned. "So what's _actually _for tea tonight?"

"I didn't prepare anything."

Kyoko's face fell. "Why not? You 'ad loads of time!" She pouted.

Homura didn't move and kept her hand firmly wrapped around the knob of the draw. "I was busy."

"You told me that your soul gem was clean and you didn't need to hunt any witches, so _technically _you've at least five hour-"

Homura shot her a dark glare. "I was _busy_," she said coldly.

Kyoko narrowed her eyes back at her. "You _weren't_."

She two stared at each other for a long time; the only sound in the house was the light pattering of rain against the glass window and the quiet creak of the walls.

Eventually, Homura sighed and averted her eyes from Kyoko's. "Why must you take everything so seriously?"

Kyoko leaned back in her chair casually and lolled her head back. "Hey Homura."

"What is it now?"

"I'm pretty sick of you hiding things from me."

Homura blinked and turned to her again. "What do you mean?"

"You know those-" Kyoko gestured vaguely "-secrets you always hide."

Homura narrowed her eyes dangerously, showing Kyoko she took offense to that comment. "I don't hide anything."

"You do, don't lie."

"Why should you care about my secrets? We are not friends."

"Ah ha!" Kyoko smirked and pointed at her. "So you do have secrets!" She leaned back in her chair again happily. "As always, I am ultimately superior!"

Homura shook her head and took a chopping board out of the draw. "It doesn't matter."

Kyoko paused and her smile disappeared, she sat evenly and turned back to Homura. "I'm serious you know." Her eyes darted over Homura's uniform. "And why is there blood on your sleeve?"

"I tripped down a hill while I was walking home."

"Where are the grass stains on your clothes?"

"I removed them."

"Why isn't the blood gone yet?"

Homura glowered at Kyoko. "Why can't you just believe the things I say?"

Kyoko stared back with a hard gaze. "Because the things you say are bullshit."

Homura didn't respond, so Kyoko continued.

"If I recall correctly if your clothes get dirty then you wash them straight after school, so that blood must have appeared after you washed your clothes."

"Why would I put my school uniform back on after I've washed it?"

"That's all you wear."

"Are you _Sherlock Holmes _now or something?" Kyoko seemed to notice that Homura's tone of voice had become more irritated, veins of annoyance had appeared on her head.

"That's an uncharacteristic thing for you to say Homura."

"And I don't recall you using large words in your speech." Homura retorted. "Where are you going with this?"

"I want you to admit that you got the blood on your clothes after you got home."

"Fine, I got the blood on my clothes after I got home."

"How?"

"When I was preparing dinner."

Kyoko smirked. "You said you hadn't prepared dinner."

Homura froze, her face paled and her nails dug into the bench. Fear hit her like a tidal wave.

Kyoko took this chance to examine Homura. Her face was much paler than usual and her hair stuck out more as well, she had dark bags under her eyes and wet streaks down her face which she knew wasn't from the rain. Then her eyes fell to the knife pointed at her and her heart stopped.

Blood. Dry blood, on the blade.

"Do you want me to use it?" Homura asked darkly.

"Homura." Kyoko said, more serious this time.

"Because I will use it."

"Homura."

"Don't underestimate me."

"Homura!"

"I can slice your neck open!"

Kyoko walked over to Homura, pushed her knife arm down and placed her hands on her shoulders. "Homura."

Homura's eyes widened in fury. "You have no right to touch-!"

Kyoko delicately brushed raven hair back behind Homura ears in a swift movement . "Are you okay?" She asked slowly and softly.

Homura didn't respond, for she was sure the surprised look on her face could share it all.

The concerned look on Kyoko's face vanished and she moved away slightly. She placed a hand over Homura's knife holding hand and slowly took the knife away. "Now, why does the knife have blood on it?"

Homura's shocked expression had faded and she had her gaze averted to the ground. "It's personal."

"I have every fucking right to know."

"Am I your family?"

"…What?"

"Family should be able to trust each other with secrets, shouldn't they?" Homura lifted her head and smiled a cruel, sadistic yet daring smile. "How can I trust you with my secrets if you couldn't trust yours with your family?"

Kyoko grabbed Homura's collar instantly. All the breath was knocked from Homura's lungs as she hit the wall, Kyoko lifted Homura up by the collar weightlessly and glared at her with a wild glint in her eye.

"You wanna start something bitch?" Kyoko snarled.

"No," Homura said calmly, "I was simply stating the truth."

"You didn't _need _to."

"And you don't _need_ to be here."

Kyoko narrowed her eyes dangerously at Homura. Then she realised something and her expression faltered slightly. "You could have blocked my attack easily."

Homura's eyes had a glint in them, a painful glint that spoke to Kyoko cryptically. "I could have."

"Why didn't you?"

Homura hesitated. Her shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes. She opened them and a sad smile had appeared, a faint and regretful smile that quirked the corners of her lips up slightly.

"Pain is an addiction, Kyoko."

Kyoko's eyes widened and she lost her grip on Homura, who went sprawling to the ground, gasping for air. Kyoko took a moment to process what the latter had said and her face paled. Her breaths were shaky as she looked at Homura, who stared blankly at the floor.

"…What do you mean?" Kyoko growled. "Do you _like_ pain?"

Homura didn't respond except for the shrugging of shoulders, Kyoko lifted her up by the collar again. "Answer me!" She yelled.

Homura lolled her head back and looked past Kyoko to stare blankly at the rain cascading down the glass window like a waterfall. "Do you see that Kyoko?" She said quietly.

Kyoko looked at the rain, then back to her. "What?"

"The rain. Don't you think it's sad?"

Kyoko angrily slammed Homura against the wall again. "I don't have time for melancholy bullshit! Answer me!"

Homura's head lazily dropped forward and her fringe fell over her eyes. No response. Kyoko threw Homura to the ground.

Kyoko couldn't figure out what was happening. Everything had escalated so quickly – it was insane. Lying on the ground uncomfortably before her was a young girl who had just said pain was an addiction. What does that mean? What does it _mean_? Suddenly her confusion was replaced with anger.

"I'm _sick _of all these _lies_!" Kyoko roared. She sent a harsh kick to Homura's abdomen, who reacted instantly. She heaved and spat out blood onto the crystal clean floor. But Kyoko didn't wait for another response; she kicked her again, and again, and again, and again, and again and again…

Was Kyoko insane? She didn't know anymore. That comment about her past had made her mad, but Homura's comment had made her go off the rails. Each kick sent a cry of pain from Homura and she collapsed to the ground, but Kyoko didn't stop.

"Do you like this pain? _Huh? __**Huh?!**_" Kyoko kicked Homura harder and she didn't resist. "Do you want to _**die?!**_" Homura trembled and spat more blood onto the floor.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?! _**Aren't you?!**_"

"Kyoko…"

Kyoko froze mid-kick when she felt something warm grab her hand. A soft texture like velvet touch wrapping itself around her hand, it was so warm...

Homura had reached out and grabbed it, tracing the knuckles of her fist softly with her thumb. Kyoko's eyes darted from her hand to the dark haired girl below her, and she fell to her knees.

All biting insults, all harsh words she was planning to say escaped her, all that came out of her mouth were soft whimpers of guilt that seized up inside her stomach. "H-Homura… I'm s-sorry…"

Homura managed a small smile. "It's okay."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"It's **NOT**!" Kyoko yelled and she glared at Homura with dark eyes. "This is all _your fault_, if you had just told me something then-"

Homura placed a finger on Kyoko's lips to shush her. "Be quiet. My head's ringing."

The two fell silent again. The rain had stopped already, and blood pooled on the floor. Kyoko stared at blankly, she could only hear Homura's ragged breaths.

"So…you didn't mind the pain?" Kyoko asked softly.

"I'm a magical girl, pain shouldn't bother me too much."

"Being a magical girl doesn't stop you from feeling pain, you just heal."

Homura hesitated. "Yes," she responded simply.

Kyoko was silent for a moment before she spoke up. "I need answers Homura."

The latter visibly flinched.

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me everythin'. Just… what's going on right now."

Homura calmed. "Do you really want to know?"

Kyoko nodded without hesitating.

"Help me up."

Kyoko wrapped Homura's arm around her shoulder and delicately lifted her. "Where 're we going?"

"The bathroom."

* * *

><p>The bathroom was not white. Kyoko could only see red. The walls were red, the water was red, the basin, the mirror, everything was red. Blood dripped off the walls and fell onto the sea of red at her feet.<p>

"Homura…" Kyoko breathed, "What's this?"

Homura walked into the centre of the bathroom and gestured to roughly everything. "This is all my doing. All of this is my blood."

Kyoko froze. "How much… have you lost?"

"Probably all of it, but I'm still here."

Suddenly it all clicked. The knife, the blood on her clothes, pain being an addiction… Frustration boiled over.

"You've been committing self-harm…"

Homura nodded, fringe covering her dark eyes.

"Slitting your wrists?"

"Not just there. Everywhere." Homura said sadly.

Kyoko fell silent. She didn't understand. She couldn't believe that Homura Akemi – mysterious and strong magical girl – would stoop so low as to commit self-harm, to even think about suicide. Strong, cold, fearless, defenceless, _poor_, _emotional _Homura. She could imagine it, but she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

"…Why?"

Homura turned away. "I can't tell you that," tears were clogging up her throat now.

"Why not?" Kyoko's fists trembled in anger. "Why can't you just tell me something for once-!"

"Madoka."

Kyoko paused. "Who?"

Homura's shoulders slumped again. "Madoka Kaname. Sayaka Miki's friend."

Kyoko searched her brain to think of it. "You mean the small one?"

"…Yes."

"What about her?"

Homura walked – no, more like staggered – over to the mirror. She couldn't see herself in the blood filled mirror, but Kyoko could see. Sad, distraught, broken, a crying little girl.

"Homura-"

"I'm trying to prevent her from becoming a magical girl."

Kyoko was puzzled. "Why?"

Homura voice was getting more and more clogged as she spoke, tears threatened to spill down her pale cheeks and she clutched the basin with her blood stained hands.

"She saved my life once. I've already seen the horrors of other magical girls die. She's my only frie-" Homura stopped herself. That right, they weren't friends in this timeline.

"…I don't want her to get their fate."

Kyoko took a few steps closer to the quivering girl. "But why? She's just an ordinary girl…"

"Shut up!" Homura screamed. Glistening tears relieved themselves from her eyelashes and rolled down as Homura jumped at Kyoko, knocking her down.

Homura started to cry hysterically and beat her hand against Kyoko's chest repeatedly. "She's a beautiful! Kind! Person! You! Don't! Know! Anything!"

Kyoko didn't wince a bit, she just stared at Homura with conflicted eyes as the latter's screaming reduced her to a weeping mess. Soon she was just mumbling incoherent words and sobbing quietly against Kyoko's chest.

Kyoko took the chance to roll up Homura's sleeve, she froze in horror at what she saw. Red marks, messily placed on her arm like string. Deep, blood red cuts engraved into her milky white skin and purple and yellow infection gashes blotting all over.

"Kyoko."

Kyoko looked up to see Homura's grief-stricken face inches away from hers, but she did not flinch.

"Homura, why?"

Homura wept. "I need to be strong. I need to plan ahead. But so much is on my mind all the time. Painful memories from the past and I just couldn't _handle it anymore_-"

Kyoko wrapped her arms around Homura's shoulders and pulled her into an hug, Homura's sobs were quickly muffled out by Kyoko's clothing as she cried. Every time she would sob Kyoko would hug her tighter.

"It's okay…"

"It's not okay-"

"I'm right here, it's fine."

Homura's sobs eventually died down and in ten minutes they were simply lying on the ground with their arms wrapped around each other. It was awkward but comfortable. The painful aura hadn't disappeared, but it had had gotten thinner.

"Homura."

"What?" Homura's voice was dry and cracked in her ear.

"You uncomfortable?"

"No."

"But it's hard-"

"No. Please… stay here."

Kyoko eventually gave up and smiled. She carefully pressed a grief seed against Homura's ring and all the blood vaporised away like rose flower petals drifting into the air.

Kyoko felt the scars on Homura's arm fade away and she smiled gently at the girl lying on top of her.

"I don't waste my grief seeds for just anyone, you should feel lucky."

Kyoko raised her arm and the last drop of blood rolled down her wrist like a raindrop. She mentally dismissed it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: **I have thought of cutting myself a few times ever since I got into high school. I nearly did it once when I realised – I don't want to feel pain anymore. So to all you cutters out there, why are you causing yourself the very thing that got you here in the first place?**


End file.
